Monday, October 13, 2008

It's hitting me, this move thing.

This picture is what it looks like all around us in New England right now. The pictures never really do justice to the real thing. The cool mornings, warm afternoons and stunning leaves changing colors daily make us all so happy to call New England home. There are colors up here that I have never seen on Autumn, orange, burnt orange, rust. My favorite trees, though, are those that look as if they are on fire they are so red, but underneath the red they are still green. The contrast is amazing.

So, for the next month I can call New England home, but the day is coming when I will have to say goodbye (at least for awhile). And, the reality of the move really hit me yesterday.

I have really taken all of our recent changes in stride. When people sympathize with our situation (having to move our of our apartment 2 1/2 months early, move in with friends, and make a HUGE move to another country) they ask how I am doing and I have honestly told people I am doing well. Other than feeling a little isolated because I am not able to easily access the city from where we are living, I am really settled here at the Josti's house. They are, of course, very close friends of ours and have so graciously given the first floor of their house over to us. And, this whole time I've been a little surprised that I haven't had any sort of breakdown about the move. I mean, I know I have moved across the country and lived in 4 different states since graduating from High School, but I still don't like change that much. And, besides we were really getting settled here in Boston.

So, I guess it all hit me yesterday. We are moving to the Dominican Republic. We will never live in our apartment, where we started our life together, again. We can't go back, and even though I have a lot of anxiety about the "what ifs" of our future life, we have only one choice, to go forward.

It's not that I'm not excited about our move. I am. It's an opportunity unlike any other to move to another country and live among family. I have an extended family ready to introduce me to life in their country. We are going to be welcomed with open arms. My son is going to experience life with one side of his family and learn two languages similtaneously. My husband is going to be able (God-willing) to do some meaningful work to help the infrastructure of his home country. And, I am going to have so many new adventures to write about on my blog.

But, there is all of the other stuff on the other side of my emotions. Saying goodbye to friends that are like family, leaving a daily pattern I can predict and know how to manage, taking on a new language, mosquitoes that carry illnesses, water that I need to keep out of my child's mouth while bathing (yeah, these are the kinds of things I worry about), and unpredictable salary...all things I can't control. And, the list can go on in my head if I let it.

This is just part of life. You have to change to grow. Change has always brought the most extraordinary spiritual and personal growth in my life. It's just so hard to jump off the "change" cliff into the next adventure sometimes.

Today I am feeling better about it all. Mostly, last night I turned a corner and realized the next month is going to be about letting go of what I have known as life in Boston over the past 8 years and getting ready to embrace the new life waiting for us at the end of our one-way airline tickets.


Amyrosedouglas said...

Wow. Karin, you're going to be going through so many of these emotions in the next months. Scarey, but exciting. I know the leaving will be painful for you, but knowing it is what God is calling your family to do makes it all worthwhile.
I will really be praying for you as you prepare to leave.
love you my friend.

kristi said...

you of all people i know are so poised, so graceful while staring into the face of change. so i'm glad to hear you say you are wrestling. it will keep you sane. if you don't wrestle, it means you are just shoving things down. and we both know how that worked out in my life, right? :)

i think these days to come leading up to the move will be the most anxiety-ridden--then once you get on the plane and look at your boys and really have nowhere to look but forward, you will be overjoyed. what a wild ride it's going to be! and you have two awesome erics to walk with you on the journey.

love you!